Bunny and Bear
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur?" The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his @ss.
Winning Lottery
A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband,
"Jim, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Great! Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just make sure you're out of the house by noon!"
Final Answer
One night after watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, a man and his wife went to bed and the man was feeling a bit frisky.He asked his wife if she was in the mood for s*x. But his wife answered, "Sorry but not tonight dear, I have a headache."The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes!" "Ok, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.
Helpful Shrink
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every night, she goes to Howies's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going out of my mind, What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Howie's bar?"
Sexist Jokes: Women
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
A: The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Q: Why do women get married in white?
A: So they match the kitchen appliances!
Q: Why is Clinton gonna lose the election?
A: Cause she is a woman
Q: Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
A: Walking the dog is relaxing.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove.
Q: Why do women have short feet?
A: So they can stand closer to the stove.
Q: Why don't women need drivers licenses?
A: There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Q: Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
A: Because she was a woman.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
Sexist Jokes: Men
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q: What did God say when he created Adam?
A: I can do better than this.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
Q: Why do men like love at first sight?
A: It saves them a lot of time.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A: A tourist.
Short Funny Jokes
Q. What's the speed limit of s*x?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q. Why is air a lot like s*x?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.
Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.
Q. Why is s*x like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between erotic and k*nky?
A. Erotic is using a feather . . . kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. . . Men will screw anything.
Q. If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A. The one that's labeled "IDAHO"
Q. What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?
A. A robber snatches watches.
